Keep Calm and Potty On, Mama

I am assuming you all have used the phrase “you scared the shit out of me!” at least a dozen times in your life. Well, I am here to (not so proudly) admit to a major parenting fail I comically encountered while potty training my two-year-old son. I managed, to not just scare the shit out of my son, but do exactly the opposite of that. And by the opposite, I mean to say that I managed to “scare the shit into him”…

Potty- training a toddler is just another vast milestone that we get to watch our children conqueror. But, before I jump into that, I will give you a little background on my son’s potty-training journey. I’m not trying to brag, but I’m almost positive my son holds the record for the fastest toddler to ever be potty trained. It was a one-day thing. I was, admittedly, extremely over changing diaper after diaper and letting my son live such a carefree- worry-free life. So one day I just said “screw” it (to myself of course). I allowed my son to pick out an awesome pair of Cars underwear and went on with my day as planned. We hung out at home, ran errands, went out to lunch, and he had no accidents! Yes, I took him to the bathroom A LOT. If I saw a bathroom, we stopped to try and use the potty. He had zero accidents all day, except for one on the way home. But hey, he learned that he did not like to be sitting in wet undies! As a result, my son was potty-trained after a long full day of us hittin’ every restroom in sight!

Then, came the “going number two” on the holy throne. The next morning he decided to go poop in his “kiddy potty”! It was great! I praised him with a potty song I made up for him, he was rewarded with a lollipop, and we were both so excited that he finally did “poo-poo” in the potty! My son was grinning ear to ear, singing the potty song along with me. I thought to myself how amazing my son is for picking this up so fast! We truly shared this exciting moment together, it was as though we were jumping up and down in slow motion. Unfortunately, it was at that moment I realized that pooping in the “kiddy potty” is not as rewarding to me as it is for my son. The actual toilet is a much better place for this type of excitement- solely because I have to physically clean my toddlers, you know what, out of the “kiddy potty”. Sidenote: I am a mom- I have dealt with a lot worse than this before, but I must have just been having an off day from mom duty or something. But anyways, I turned my head towards the potty and came to the terrifying realization that I would have to do this alone. I had to be strong. Not only for myself but for my son too. As I picked up that “kiddy potty”, I prayed that I wouldn’t show my son the fear in my eyes as I began to clean. I could feel my eyes start to water… And then… I gagged… Yes, I began to gag. My son just went from being on cloud nine for conquering the oh so holy throne, to being terrified of what his poop did to me. It was from that moment on my son no longer would go poop on the potty. He wore his undies still, every day- but did not poop… I was worried, I began to research because I could not believe that I literally scared the shit into him… On the third day of being scared, he started to run to me with a diaper in hand whenever he had to go “number two”. My dreams of no longer having to change a poopy diaper vanished like that… The long two weeks of this pattern did eventually come to an end. My son realized that pooping in the big boy potty was a good thing and that mommy just had a second of weakness- reality check, it happens to the best of us!

Full disclosure: Don’t worry my son is doing well and has his regular potty routine now! He uses the big toilet 100% of the time and does not wear a pull-up at night. He’s not even two and a half yet! So, I would still call this a win in the mom books. As far as my mom fail goes, now I can look back and laugh at this moment. Oh, and for all the moms out there- good luck with the potty-training! You got this! If you’re ready for it, jump right in!