It’s no wonder that a husband to a magnificent “modern day mom” would have to declare his own awesomeness every now and then, especially when his wife’s awesomeness is a given. Being a caveman when it comes to the Internet and an absolute Neanderthal when it comes to blogging there are only a few ways I can puff out my chest, beat on my wiry hairs and declare, “me man, look at my… um….man stuff”. Aside from occasionally coming home on crutches, covered head to toe in bruises from a long standing “extreme sports” obsession, walking in the door slathered in grease from DIY car repair, and a thumping headache from showing my wife how we used to “shoot tequila” in my early 20s, the least painful and probably most tolerable of these “declarations of man power” is my hot sauce obsession.
What could have easily stayed safely within jalapeño toppings and mild sauce packets from fast food restaurants, has turned into a full blown addiction for lip numbing, brain burning, crown sweating fire in the form of the tastiest, spiciest and hottest condiments in the world. Known to be found at any given time of day mixing and adding more spice to my already growing hot sauce collection, I’ve started a quest to not only find the hottest sauce; no that would be too simple, But to find a sauce that gives some kick: but not the kind of kick that gives your mother brow sweat, a real kick that delivers a punch of fire deep into your gut but follows with a left hook of delicious, zesty and robust chili flavors as well.
Here are my top ten hot sauces for modern day parents! (and some references to some milder comparisons)
1. Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce:
Fantastic taste, medium to medium hot type heat. Great blend of chilies. Nice especially to get your day going, better than a cup of coffee for sure. Nice and thick, compliments everything, and a must have for Thai food!
2. Tabasco Brand Green Pepper Sauce:
Basically on here as a reference point. Some of these sauces are ten times hotter! If you think this is HOT, stay outta the kitchen. A vinegary and mild spice. Low as far as heat but with a super tasty and tangy flavor. This is a great beginners sauce for simple stuff like wings, greens, or salsas. Also for a little variety; a favorite of mine is their Tabasco Brand Chipotle Sauce which adds a smokey essence to the original or their Tabasco Brand Sweet & Spicy Pepper Sauce which is killer on Asian inspired dishes. A lot of people I know use the Original Red Tabasco Sauce as a wings sauce straight: I’ve had the pleasure of trying the Tabasco Brand Buffalo Style Hot Sauce as well which, although not quite as fiery, offers a rich zest which I expect in a wing sauce!
Search Tabasco related recipes directly on their site!
3. Tabasco Brand Habanero Sauce:
Medium-hot heat, good flavor. Orange in color like the habanero, a thinner sauce Blended with other fruit purees to gives the sauce a great body and tangy full flavor. Nice fiery finish. The hottest Tabasco sauce (thanks!) they have (with the Green Pepper Sauce being their mildest)… I swear by this type of sauce for breakfast. If I’m making eggs, this sauce goes in too. Good spice to start the day without killing your taste buds first thing. For a lighter spice I’d suggest giving the Tabasco Brand Garlic Pepper sauce a try if habanero flames your flavor savers.
4. Red Ghost Hot Sauce:
fire in the hole! After initial burn the after taste is great. Tangy body with the prominent sweet essence of the jolokia. Very hot heat factor. Keep off your lips if you are a first timer! A top Contender for heat and flavor. One of the hotter sauces without ruining the flavor of your food, great addition to anything that needs some real head sweating heat but flavorful enough if you don’t want to eliminate the flavor of your food, but add to it.
Red Ghost – Made with Naga Bhut Jolokia, Worl’d Hottest Pepper. Cayenne 40,000 scoville units. Habañero 200,000 scoville units. Naga Bhut Jolokia 1,000,000 scoville units. Add it up, and you got hot. USE WITH EXTREME CAUTION
Scoville Rating: 1,240,000
5. Tiger Sauce:
I am not ashamed to admit this moderately spiced, hot pepper/ cayenne based gem is what started my passion for hot sauce and hot condiments all together. For flavor it’s a top choice, tangy with a sweet finish. However, to the seasoned hot sauce aficionado, it’s not much more than a sweet and sour sauce. I first tried it on with some smoked fish dip on a cracker and it paired amazingly. It doesn’t have a kick as much as its a little nudge or nod in the direction of fire, but don’t let that put you off from trying this, it’s flavor is outstanding, but the heat factor is a little on the light side.
6. You Can’t Handle This Hot Sauce:
Flavor is pretty overpowering. The smell is reminiscent of a good steak sauce and the heat is definitely, definitely there! Best smelling sauce by far, very sweet and smoky. I thought since it was rated a little lower than some of my other favorites I could handle the accidental huge pour that landed on my cracker, but boy I was wrong and the title said it all. Very thick sauce with a great cinnamon, clove and garlic finish. Can’t help but think of it as a super hot steak sauce, so flavor your foods accordingly. If you want to cover your crackers, have milk ready!
• 2002 Chile Pepper Magazine Fiery Foods Challenge -3rd Place XX Hot
• 2000 Texas Fiery Foods Shootout 2nd Place – Super Hot Division
• 1999 Scovie Award Winner at the National Fiery Foods Show – Triple Hot
• 1999 International Fiery Foods Challenge – 3rd Place XX Hot Category
• 1999 Philadelphia Book and Cook Gourmet Show – 2nd Place
• 1998 First Place, Grand Champion – Reno, Nevada Hot Sauce Show
Scoville Rating: 225,000
7. Smack My Ass & Call Me Sally (The Slap Heard Around The World):
Upon opening the sauce has a very distinct tomato paste smell almost like a spicy tomato soup. Sounds great! Might add this one to a chili or even a soup. Surprisingly the taste comes off with a very sweet flavor and a super strong finish. Not exactly the hottest, but would definitely appease a hot sauce aficionado. Seems like a good all around sauce to please the palate and those looking for some heat to add to just about anything.
Scoville Rating: 500,000
The smell of this sauce gives me thoughts of a great spicy barbecue sauce and I immediately think this would be great for anyone looking to heat up their ribs or on chicken when grilling, really on anything that you would use your regular barbecue sauce with so you don’t ruin the flavor of your sauces. Habanero base and a distinct chipotle pepper flavor, very very thick and smell is true to taste. Not too intense of heat but as a spicy BBQ or pre grill rub, this takes the cake.
9. Dave’s Gourmet Insanity Sauce:
This is one of the sauces I’ve really been wanting to try. When you pop it open and it has a super tomato smell and is a very thick sauce. The taste is kind of surprising because it is also super tomato-like without distinguishing much other than tomato paste and pepper. The heat is definitely there, so this is good hot sauce if you don’t want too much of an overpowering flavor or spice. Would make a great addition to chili or something to give a combination of flavors with this sauce.
Scoville Rating: 180,000
10. Endorphin Rush:
Another aroma of tomato; very rich tomato soup smell. Reminds me of the type of sauce served with southern delicacies like fried gator, catfish or cheese grits. Molasses like sweetness with a little kick, at first the heat is pretty mellow, but it’s a creeper when it hits your throat. I’d keep this at the table on “soul food Sunday”, it would grace everything from my greens and cornbread to macaroni and cheese and fried meats or tofu.
Scoville Rating: 250,000
(Numbers 6-10 available in Tijuana Flat’s Death Pack: Hottest Sauces in the World. Caution: Will Cause Severe Pain. Has a real Certificate of Death on the back. Includes Smack My Ass & Call Me Sally The Slap Heard Around The World, Dave’s Gourmet Insanity Sauce, Endorphin Rush, Pyromania and You Can’t Handle This Hot Sauce)