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“Things I’ve Learned As A Mom, So Far”

Before my daughter was born, I thought I was just so prepared for motherhood. I had all the “what to expect” books and I even read chapters to prepare myself for the first year. I was ready, bring it on!!

Ha.

And then she was born… and I forgot almost everything I read.

How in the crap was I supposed to be prepared for things such as swallowing quarters and beads in the nose. Oh yes, I am so going there.

Are you ready? Cause HANG ON… It’s a bumpy ride.

First stop: Beads…

Oh beads. I hate you.

They may look pretty but nothing good comes from them. Nothing. Don’t even try to name something.

Beads are evil.

What I’ve learned when it comes to…

Bead In Nose

Before I even begin to share this experience, let me just say that beads will always be the WORST idea ever. That crap will drive you up a wall. Yes, the idea of your preschooler making necklaces seems cute and fun until they dump a basket of those tiny beads all over the floor. A year later, I am STILL finding tiny beads. Note: Vacuums do not care, they will not pick them up. Remember that.

Now… On to the bead in the nose thing. This one was a little scary. I never prepared myself for this one so I had to act quick. “Mom!!! The bead! It’s stuck in my nose!!!” Seriously child? I grabbed her and pulled her in front of me. I didn’t even have time to examine said bead… clearly my child had tried to act out the scene on iCarly where Sam and Carly plug their nostrils with blueberries. Funny except beads are not blueberries… beads will go up in your nose. Oh, child.

“Do not sniff, whatever you do!” I said. I immediately plugged the opposite nostril and I yelled “BLOW! Hard!!!” and well, the bead flew out of her nose, hit me before hitting the ground and ultimately becoming lost somewhere. My daughters response? “Whoa mom, cool!”

Cool? Sigh.

There was nothing cool about that. Beads will now be found…. IN THE TRASH. I had no time to think, the “first aid” app on my phone was never opened like I thought it would be in these situations. I wasn’t sure of the “right way” to remove a bead that I could so clearly see stuck far up in her nose. I just kind of reacted, as calmly as I could…

Swallowing A Quarter

Or should I say, “Swallowing” a “quarter”.

She was right there in front of me as we were watching construction workers pave the road in front of our house. She must have been digging around in the couch and found a quarter and had been holding onto it. No faster than I could blink, she tells me that she swallowed a quarter.

“YOU DID WHAT!”

At this time, she wasn’t really familiar with the difference in change so I got out a penny, nickel, dime and quarter. “Which one did you put into your mouth?” She points to the dime and then the nickel. “No, mom! It’s that one” and points to the quarter. Ok. Quarter.

Whhhhhy?

What in the heck am I supposed to do? This one was something I again, was not prepared for. We were at the Emergency Room within 30 minutes. She was still sick to her stomach at this point. They did an x-ray and oh guess what?! NO QUARTER. There was absolutely no sign of any type of monies in her. Oh they looked and looked. Nada. Zip. Zero.

Nothing. WTF?

Where is the quarter? We still don’t know! But she was sick. What? How come we didn’t know this!? She never mentioned a peep about feeling sick. Did she even SWALLOW a quarter?! She promises she did but the only thing the Doctor found was a sore throat and an ear infection. Completely separate from the quarter incident. She got some meddies and we were on our way sans quarter.

The quarter is still a mystery.

Needless to say, being a parent has it’s crazy moments. Moments where you just react as best as you can without freaking out. You can never be fully prepared for what may happen…. but you can laugh about it after it does.

or… write a blog post about it. Whatever helps.

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14 COMMENTS

  • Allison Cohen on December 7, 2011

    My daughter swallowed a tab to a coke can once when she was two. No one believed me when I made the list of phone calls (husband, mom, GI Dr), so when we took her into for an X-ray I just knew id be vendicated! Twenty minutes after the X-ray the doctor comes to the room and says there wasn’t anything to worry about in her X-ray. I felt sooo frustrated because even though I didn’t see her directly swallow the tab, I know it was missing from the can and wasn’t anywhere. Ella even told me she ate it, oh the honesty of a two year old! The next day while I was at work (Children’s Surgery) a GI nurse I know ran into me and asked if the tab came out, confused I told him she apparently never swallowed it…. Turns out she DID swallow it, but it was already in her ascending colon so it had passed any “problem” areas where it may have gotten stuck. I immediately called my mom and sure enough when she went through Ella’s last dirty diaper (Yuck!) there is was, still shiny.

    Sorry I wrote a paragraph, but sometimes it’s nice to know you’re kids aren’t the only crazy ones. :)

    Reply
  • Modern Day Moms on December 7, 2011

    Oh goodness!! It’s nice to know! I was STUMPED as to where the quarter went. We tried looking for it for weeks… Never turned up. We played back so many options… such as it possibly falling out of her mouth. We really don’t know!

    Reply
  • Laura M on December 7, 2011

    Love this. Thank you for the laugh. My daughter put a flower petal up her nose. Why “I don’t know?”.

    Reply
    • Jessica on December 7, 2011

      A flower petal???? Wow! Haha

      Reply
  • Kaydee on December 7, 2011

    I put a small bead up my nose when I was about 6 or 7 while being babysat. I remember the next day the doctor saying it had traveled out of the nasal cavity, I thought that phrase was hilarious for some reason, and my mom needed to watch for it to come out the other end! We never “officially” saw it come out but were pretty sure after a month with no issues it was gone.

    I can relate with your mystery quarter story…my older son was about 1 at the time, he appeared at my feet saying ‘ball’ over and over then pointing to his mouth. My heart skipped a beat as I examined his mouth then noticed a lump in his neck! I immediately put him in the truck and raced to the ER as fast as I possibly could. I made a split second decision that I could get him there faster then waiting for an ambulance, I was also confident in my CPR skills should something go wrong. Needless to say we get there and they quickly determined it was a severely swollen gland due to strep throat, no ball, but still not sure which was worse my poor little guy.

    Reply
    • Jessica on December 7, 2011

      Oh My!!! Yeah the bead was large enough to get stuck in her nose… If she snorted it up further, not sure what I would have done except ER.

      Reply
      • Kaydee on December 7, 2011

        Luckily my bead was a small rounded one with all smooth edges, my mom contemplated the ER until the babysitter convinced her it was a really small one. Did I forget to mention we were playing “hide the bead” with my brother?! Yeah…that’s a terrible game. And I have 2 boys now so we have no cause for beads to be kept in the house, except for the random art project they bring home. I hope I never have to hunt for abead in the nose, or anywhere else for that matter. ;)

        Reply
  • Christine M Quigley Burke on December 7, 2011

    My slaughter stuck a Barbie peek-a-boo shoe up her nose when she was 3! It was a pink high heel! Lol

    Reply
  • Modern Day Moms on December 7, 2011

    Christine – your typo has me laughing out loud.

    Reply
  • Kaydee Simon on December 7, 2011

    A co-worker of mine has a 3 year old son who stuck a small bath toy up his bum!

    Reply
  • Modern Day Moms on December 7, 2011

    Kaydee – Oh my gossssh

    Reply
    • Kaydee on December 7, 2011

      Yeah…I laughed when I first heard it because I assumed it was a weird joke…but nope! Sure enough he stuck something in there, I hope I never have to deal with that.

      It reminds me of a time years ago we had picked up my older son’s half brother from his mom and I noticed he had a fever and red ears. I always look to the ears because I had so many ear infections as a child then my kids carried on the tradition. So I took him to the ER and the doctor pulled out a little plastic piece of something covered in ear wax! Luckily there was no serious infection or damage to the inside ear parts, all was well after a week of ear drops.

      Reply
  • Christine M Quigley Burke on December 7, 2011

    Friggin auto correct! Lol

    Reply
  • Bex on December 7, 2011

    Not looking forward to the bead up the nose phase!

    Reply

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