Before my daughter was born, I thought I was just so prepared for motherhood. I had all the “what to expect” books and I even read chapters to prepare myself for the first year. I was ready, bring it on!!
And then she was born… and I forgot almost everything I read.
How in the crap was I supposed to be prepared for things such as swallowing quarters and beads in the nose. Oh yes, I am so going there.
Are you ready? Cause HANG ON… It’s a bumpy ride.
First stop: Beads…
Oh beads. I hate you.
They may look pretty but nothing good comes from them. Nothing. Don’t even try to name something.
Beads are evil.
What I’ve learned when it comes to…
Bead In Nose
Before I even begin to share this experience, let me just say that beads will always be the WORST idea ever. That crap will drive you up a wall. Yes, the idea of your preschooler making necklaces seems cute and fun until they dump a basket of those tiny beads all over the floor. A year later, I am STILL finding tiny beads. Note: Vacuums do not care, they will not pick them up. Remember that.
Now… On to the bead in the nose thing. This one was a little scary. I never prepared myself for this one so I had to act quick. “Mom!!! The bead! It’s stuck in my nose!!!” Seriously child? I grabbed her and pulled her in front of me. I didn’t even have time to examine said bead… clearly my child had tried to act out the scene on iCarly where Sam and Carly plug their nostrils with blueberries. Funny except beads are not blueberries… beads will go up in your nose. Oh, child.
“Do not sniff, whatever you do!” I said. I immediately plugged the opposite nostril and I yelled “BLOW! Hard!!!” and well, the bead flew out of her nose, hit me before hitting the ground and ultimately becoming lost somewhere. My daughters response? “Whoa mom, cool!”
There was nothing cool about that. Beads will now be found…. IN THE TRASH. I had no time to think, the “first aid” app on my phone was never opened like I thought it would be in these situations. I wasn’t sure of the “right way” to remove a bead that I could so clearly see stuck far up in her nose. I just kind of reacted, as calmly as I could…
Swallowing A Quarter
Or should I say, “Swallowing” a “quarter”.
She was right there in front of me as we were watching construction workers pave the road in front of our house. She must have been digging around in the couch and found a quarter and had been holding onto it. No faster than I could blink, she tells me that she swallowed a quarter.
“YOU DID WHAT!”
At this time, she wasn’t really familiar with the difference in change so I got out a penny, nickel, dime and quarter. “Which one did you put into your mouth?” She points to the dime and then the nickel. “No, mom! It’s that one” and points to the quarter. Ok. Quarter.
What in the heck am I supposed to do? This one was something I again, was not prepared for. We were at the Emergency Room within 30 minutes. She was still sick to her stomach at this point. They did an x-ray and oh guess what?! NO QUARTER. There was absolutely no sign of any type of monies in her. Oh they looked and looked. Nada. Zip. Zero.
Where is the quarter? We still don’t know! But she was sick. What? How come we didn’t know this!? She never mentioned a peep about feeling sick. Did she even SWALLOW a quarter?! She promises she did but the only thing the Doctor found was a sore throat and an ear infection. Completely separate from the quarter incident. She got some meddies and we were on our way sans quarter.
The quarter is still a mystery.
Needless to say, being a parent has it’s crazy moments. Moments where you just react as best as you can without freaking out. You can never be fully prepared for what may happen…. but you can laugh about it after it does.
or… write a blog post about it. Whatever helps.
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